MileStone Moment

Death, Taxes and Social Security

I merrily spent my life glib, naïve and cavalier. I watched the oldsters wishing their lives away counting their days til they were able to get their Social Security…and in need of supplemental income, as meager as it seemed. Why didn’t they plan? No exit strategy?

Enough has transpired to almost convince us they are both real and unavoidable—and just maybe, to be celebrated. One hopes the day will eventually come, given the alternative. Like death, it’s such a shock we can’t believe it applies to us; then we wholeheartedly engage in denial.

What about those people we’ve known whom actually embraced the end? Circumstantial, we think. Must be resignation, regrets or lack of resources (financial, emotional or physical) to continue. Often the person has ‘lived a good enough life’ to concede that since there is no escaping, we might as well acquiesce with Grace. Or, the pain, the conditions make another day purely impossible to continue. Death, they whisper, ‘will be/was a welcome blessing’.

While engaged in mid-series of our favorite TV show, we wonder how there could b a time when it/we do not exist. Jack Bower’s 24 got his final hours on Monday. In 8 seasons, much changed in ‘what feels like’ a very short time (each TV hour was actually a quick ‘real time’ 60 minutes). Jack was our 21st Century superhero trying to save the world from us. Who will help us now?

Notice how Jack aged in those oh-so-short few hours. As did we; sort of sneaking up on cats feet. Where did all that time go? Why am I so old? I’m thrilled to have escaped the Grim Reaper for all this time. I just never really believed I would ever get old enf to b one of ‘those people’ who looked forward, who counted down the days, til they could register for Social Security. Now that was old.

My red-letter day arrived this week. Actually, I joined their ranks a few years back. Counting my pennies, watching my retirement fund evaporate in the financial melee until it was a race to age 62 to see if I would make it b4 my bank account registered zero.

I knew in my head that, given the good fortune to live this long, this incomprehensible day would come. I just didn’t know I’d spend so much time looking forward to it and be so ecstatic about it!

I had a major hint: my personality. In our world, there are future people, past people and present people. I was born a future person…which, like all types, has its plus sides. I wrote lists of tasks to b done, made and accomplished goals and looked forward to the future, which I ‘knew’ would be even better. I felt sorry for the people who existed in the past and envied those who spent time smelling the roses. I, like the happiness experts, strove to find the Power of the NOW, 2 b present ‘in the moment’. I failed.

I misinterpreted a favorite, “Yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note, today is CASH!” My version: “Got cash? Spend it Now!”

There have been other MileStone Moments. For those with excellent memories: the first day of kindergarden. I remember wondering what my 1st romantic kiss would feel like. I was NOT looking forward to that embarrassing moment. Just so happens, it came years after getting my driver’s license MileStone Moment. MSM often do not arrive timely or as imagined.

MileStone Moments often show up out of chronological sequence. I did not have time to conjure up a day without parents. My dad dropped dead suddenly at age 45, never having contemplated collecting SS. I definitely remember wondering how I would feel and look after my first sexual experience. Would I look/act different the next day? Will everyone know? I had plenty of time to wonder, as that uneventful MSM didn’t occur til I was 21 and married.

My first job. Graduating from high school. Getting married. Having a baby. His first day at kindergarden. Buying a house. Getting crows feet. A first grandchild. Thanking my lucky stars for being fortunate enough to experience all the pleasures, and losses, expected and surprising, along the path to retirement, SS and the penultimate Day of Reckoning—taking me full circle.

I am still naïve, but no longer glib and cavalier. I can no longer afford those luxuries. I’m still attempting to live in the present as I drag my feet, digging in my heels to keep me from sliding over the finish line.

Dylan Thomas’s poem begins, “Do not go gentle into that good night. Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. "

I’m still on the top side of the grass. I can still have MileStone Moments and opportunities to check items off my Bucket List. Even Jack Bower, and those of us who have counted on him to keep our world safe, will have his swan song—a 24 movie is in the works.

I will look forward to that movie. Oopsy! I will enjoy this moment, this bird in the hand. Given the opportunity, I will enjoy both final episodes.