Modern Mail Order Brides

Lisa Ling's [Oprah's OWN channel] first documentary in her Our America series highlighted an organization AFA [A Foreign Affair] that offers American MEN...tours to other countries...this one a Columbian Tour...to find foreign women. Sort of a vacation 'with benefits'. [Why is it that we never hear of women who get involved in 'Mail Order Husbands'? ]

'Find women' could mean just about anything. From Hooking Up to finding a SoulMate. Sounds like a good deal for men. Ten guys r introduced to 100 beauties. The foreign version of Speed Dating?

Like those men who choose destitute women or very young women who can't survive on their own and won't abandom them...helpless (useless?) 'girls'. Must b part of their 'love map' and is, like all romantic connections, unexplainable and originates and controls from deep in the subconscious.

During 'research' for my book, I encountered [never chose to meet any of them] a fair number of guys who were involved in Mail Order Brides.com type dating sites. I pride myself on my efforts to not be prejudice, but I'll admit, although I didn't have trouble understanding why, it was a bit of an effort to empathize with those men.

Don't 'get' the ones who were seeking a 'life partner'. What happens when they lose their translator? They have few clues of the core personality of these women until they can understand each other. Which could take a long time. Think about it. Initially they have a good looking or even a gorgeous woman to relate to [how's that for politically correct?]. And what else can this female do? Cook, clean, watch his kids, b arm candy? Someone as a companion that doesn't comment, complain, criticize? Guess they require these women to keep their mouths shut only in public. Ok...not so PC...onward.

I generalize, but the guys I encountered were mainly of 2 ilks. The never-been's [married] and the guys who've had lousy experiences with girls/women. Some were socially inept/challenged. Others had been married a long time (my definition--15 plus yrs), lost their spouse to death or divorce...and immediately jumped into a relationship --either because there were sparks they hadn't felt in a long time or they got desperately lonely or couldn't survive solo (no skills or desire).

Can U say 'rebound'? Or having been married a long time, their 'picking' skills were rusty or non-existent. A good share of them, unfortunately, chose the veteran 'fun ladies'...many of whom were either bi-polar [one symptom is promiscuity] or shallow-with-an agenda' types. Cunning, clever and conniving, these seasoned scammers r very fetching and irresistible.

Side Notes:
[An Oregon 1st date informs me that ALL male/female connections have agendas, hidden or otherwise.]

Many, many men that were not involved in MOB's went thru this horrific experience. Unsuspecting, inexperienced, naive, or hopeful. Who can blame them? Gorgeous outgoing, fun-loving women who dote on them? One reason, in my book, I warned: 'if they look, act, seem to good to b true, they R ". Run, boy, run!

After these short-lived relationships crash and burn...the scorched guys who don't become hermits, seek foreign women who are perceived as subservient and controllable--dismissing the notion that these hot-chicks seek, at a minimum, a sugar-daddy or transportation to America.

One east coast guy sent me his communications from a lady from Spain with her broken English e's and asked me what I thought. I translated it as best I could. Of course I cautioned him. [Have U ever tried to take sense to a drunk person - whether drunk on alcohol or love/lust?]. After sending her $$$ for her ailing sister and $$$ to get to America, he eventually 'got it' when she had an 'emergency' and had to spend the airplane ticket $$ and needed more.

I'm not referring to the guys that I saw that looked like Osama Bin Ladin--seriously--I still have his photo in my files...

Cowboy,(Chapter 4) married his second wife [he was career military] in Germany--she didn't speak English. Never did fully learn. Went great until some years down the line when he began to understand what she was saying. According to him, she was a total witch...bitchy & ruthless...complete with expletives and rages. Cutting to the chase: she took most of his $$$ and half of his military 'pension' when she left him for another man. He noted that her command of the English language totally disappeared when she was with her new 'catch'.

Of course, that was his side, we aren't privey to hers.

Lets face it: All dating involves risk. Lots of people have 'hidden agendas'. It is very difficult to 'connect' mentally and emotionally with someone who 'doesn't speak your language', and such a relationship may b doomed from the start if one seeks anything other than a booty call.

Eventually, dating foreign women differs little. The difference between men and women always rears its ugly head--not understanding each other happens even when both speak English.

In any dating experience, it's easier to find Emelia Erhart or Jimmy Hoffa than a life partner.